Your neighborhood family therapist weighs in on:
Potty Talk
A few months back, I took my older kiddo on a playdate. In one, massively unrealistic, version of the playdate, these children played so peacefully, cleaning up after themselves and using quiet voices to utter respectful sentences. In the real version, the kids promptly turned into hyper tornadoes. This was hardly a surprise to me or the other mother and yet, I heard something that I had yet to hear from the mouths of the children. They began calling each other “potty words”, as in “you poo poo”.
Why Kids Use Potty Talk
Developmental Curiosity Between the ages 3 to 6, children become intensely curious about their bodies and the bodies of others. For many children, this newfound awareness of their own body processes triggers an exploration of those topics through language.
Desire for Engagement Fortunately (although at times, quite unfortunately) children are smart and quickly learn that using certain words can spark strong reactions from adults. Whether it’s laughter, surprise, or frustration, potty talk becomes an attention magnet. In a child’s eyes, any reaction from others—positive or negative—can tell them to repeat the behavior. If a child is looking for engagement from their parents or friends, they may use potty language simply because it’s a consistent way to get attention.
Bonding with Friends Through Use of Humor Between the ages of 4 and 7, kids are deepening their understanding of humor and starting to intentionally say funny things. Laughing at words like “butt” or “poop” isn’t just about the words themselves—it’s about the fact that they’re saying something a little bit naughty. If other kids laugh, this reinforces the behavior. Shared laughter bonds children.
Testing Social Boundaries Part of growing up involves understanding the rules of social conduct. When children repeatedly use potty talk in inappropriate settings, they may be testing the waters to see where boundaries lie. Children are learning not just how language works but when and where it is appropriate.
How to Respond as a Parent
So how did I respond when I heard my kid calling his friend “poo poo”? Well, like most parents, I wanted to nip this in the bud if I could. I kept my face and tone of voice carefully neutral and asked him, “Do you need to go potty?” He, of course, said no which I parried with “Oh, when I heard you say ‘poo poo’ I thought it meant you needed to go to the bathroom. Words like ‘pee pee’ and ‘poo poo’ mean that we need to use the toilet.” He did not show even a single sign that he heard me but that was, luckily, the last I heard of the “potty talk”.
So what did I do?
Stay Calm and Neutral As always, check in with yourself and self-regulate before approaching your kiddo.
Teach Social Context Normalize bodily functions and assure them it’s okay to talk about these things in the appropriate context.
Meet their Underlying Need If the child is using this language to get the attention of a parent, you might say “huh, I wonder if you are saying potty words to get my attention, how about we read a book instead.” If a child is attempting to connect with a friend, redirect them towards a shared interest.
Conclusion
Potty talk is a phase that almost all children go through at some point and sometimes, the phase repeats itself. While it can be annoying for parents, it is also an important part of a child’s development. With patience and guidance, kids will eventually outgrow this stage, and they’ll do so having learned important lessons about language, humor, and social rules.
More questions about this topic or ideas about what you’d like to read about next? Reach out to me. www.therapywithsarah.org
Written with compassion for my fellow parents. Parenting is hard!
Sarah Lesko, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
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